We’re going to be alright
It’s a new month and we can’t help asking ourselves where this past month went. It’s hard to stay continually positive; with new rules and new restrictions being determined, decided, and implemented daily. Having said that, perspective always helps and I found myself turning to this tool just yesterday — worst case scenario — to remember that this is not the worst case scenario and quarantine is, in fact, a privilege.
What does the internal dialogue sound like today?
When we are exposed to the possibility of physical harm from coronavirus, or the emotional or mental harm from being quarantined, it is difficult not to feel vulnerable, a bit fed up, scared and/or frustrated.
I confess, I was feeling pretty miserable yesterday. I was feeling a bit down about: the state of the planet; this pandemic; feeling a bit lonely and rather unhealthy; and feeling really frustrated to have another beautiful sunny day I couldn’t enjoy in a biergarten with friends! I found myself doing something silly, I started giving myself heck in my head. “Get over it”, “you are alive and well, so what’s the problem”, “this isn’t forever, so get your act together” and so on.
“I didn’t think I was a bully, until I heard the way I speak to myself” — source unknown
Truth is that we are prone to speak harshly to ourselves. I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard a friend exclaim “I’m such an idiot!” Or “how could I be so stupid!” Or “I am so lazy, I got nothing done today!”
After reading an article on Huffington Post titled “How to stop bullying yourself”, I took time to consider how I’ve reduced my own negative internal dialogue over the years. I am not a proponent of the common philosophy that thinking positively will make the difference. I believe it is an ongoing effort to treat ourselves well. It requires recognition and acceptance of how we feel, and habit-changing internal self-coaching. Every. Single. Day.
Always consider the worst case scenario
The situation is never as bad as we conceive. In most cases we can change our perspective with the simple question “What is the worst that can happen?”
To clarify here, the ultimate worst case is death.
Death is the worst case scenario. No I don’t say this because of our current situation with COVID-19, I would always, always, always start here.
I almost died in a car accident at 19. Then at 23 I was given six months to live when they discovered a heart aneurysm in my ascending aortic. So trust me when I say the indisputable worst case is death, because clearly that cannot be fixed. Beyond that, it’s all about perspective. I survived the car accident and even though I needed extensive facial reconstructive surgery, I didn’t lose my eye. Win! I survived the heart surgery and while it impacted peripheral choices like the possibility to have children, I did not die. Win!
So if no one is dying, take a deep breath, and figure out the worst that can happen in each circumstance. Determine if we can handle that (hint: we can) and then we know we’re going to be okay.
Worst case in quarantine
We are bound to have tough days. Yesterday I felt down about the state of the world. I felt tired of staying indoors. I was missing loved ones. I felt unfocused when I tried to work. So I accepted that the couch was the best I was going to do yesterday. Then I got myself some perspective and pulled myself up this morning, to ensure yesterday would be the exception, and not the new norm. Here’s how it works.
- Worst case: Death. If you are reading this then you are still here. You are alive and well. You are still healthy. Fantastic. Worst case scenario (death) is already averted. Well done you!
- Next level worst case: You or your loved ones get coronavirus. Fatality rate is currently thought to be 1%, so there is a 99% chance of survival; we can handle the worst case scenario of 1%. (Mind you this is out of our control, we can only continue to be diligent and cautious.)
- Next level worst case: You don’t have what you need to survive. Do you have a place to quarantine? Fantastic! Do you have access to food? Brilliant. Do you have access to fresh air? Or at least a window you can open? Fabulous.
So what is the real worst case scenario for you today? While in quarantine?
- Do you feel a bit lonely? Maybe you can call someone you love? Talk it through with a friend. Turn on a movie with a happy ending.
- Are you are feeling bored? Find something to learn online, or listen to Patrick Stewart reading his sonnet of the day — sonnet #116 is always my favourite and he started with that one ;-)
- Are you feeling down or a bit depressed? Watch “Some Good News” broadcast by John Krasinski — he took all the good things happening around the world, even during this crazy time, and broadcast them!
- Do you feel low energy? Maybe today you need a day to lie on the couch so you can regain some energy? Mope a little bit. Then tomorrow you can take a deep breath and start over.
I didn’t leave the couch yesterday, I just couldn’t be bothered. Today I got my sh*t together, put on my gear and headed outside to the river for a “run” (truth is it’s more like a walk-run-walk-run than a run-run. Hey! I’m a dancer not a runner…) Then I came home, made some buckwheat banana pancakes with maple syrup (yum!) and got back to my desk to do something productive.
Worst case scenario for me will be if I am stuck at home without loved ones for several more weeks. And, that’s alright, I can survive that. It’s up to me to stay motivated, happy and healthy right?
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Whatever the situation, you can change your habits, reduce negative internal dialogue and gain perspective on an ongoing basis. Nothing is as bad at it seems, even now with coronavirus and quarantine, you can gain perspective and be proactive, or just accept it’s a tough day, take a moment and then move on.
Next time you are feeling low. Worst case it. Breathe. You’re alive. All is well. And I believe in the end, everything is going to be alright.
