April fools day, the joke is on us
Today is a tough day. Can you feel it?
It’s a new month.
Where did 2020 go? Another month gone. Another sunny day with no opportunity to enjoy it with friends. Another day in quarantine. Another day alone.
It’s a tough bloody day.
If you are alone, if you are having a tough day, if you are feeling this in your bones…this one’s for you.
Is it possible for us to be too alone?
Primarily an Introvert, I learned to be social and I’m now what Myers Briggs would call an Ambivert. To summarise how this applies to me - it means I can be outgoing and social but that it takes a lot of energy for me to do so, and eventually I need some time alone to get my energy back.
Many people challenge this as they claim I am too social to be an introvert, but if you know me, or see me after a day of being social, you know I have a limit and then I’m done. I have been known to hide in the bedroom at my own parties because I needed a moment to myself, to regather some energy!
It’s easy to assume that quarantine is a perfect situation for me.
Sure, generally speaking I am alright alone, I can stay motivated, I schedule my time, I work, I focus, I fill my days, I do things I enjoy, and I revel in silence. If this were regular life, pre-coronavirus life, then I would be craving a few days alone here and there.
However, this isn’t staying alone by choice or due to personality preference. This is quarantine.
It is day 21 of quarantine and if I have to, I can stay alone for another few weeks or even months. Any of us in the privileged position of having a home to quarantine in, a shelter over our heads, with food in the cupboards, and access to windows or the outdoors…we can.
Personally, I don’t need to talk to someone every day, I enjoy my time alone. Having said that, there would be some comfort in knowing someone is in the second room or having someone to cook with every few days or having someone to go on a bike ride with. Being alone for a few more months means a few more months of no tactile reassurance — i.e. a hug — and that is a challenge, even for me.
So yeah, sometimes we can be too alone.
Tough days are the worst
I am a morning person, one of those truly annoying “jump out of bed” morning people. I accomplish more before noon than I do the entire rest of the day. I have kept that energy going and kept myself motivated almost every single day since quarantine began, but today I crawled out of bed at 10:45. This complete drain of energy is not my usual MO, and it’s the worst.
When we are having a tough day, our thoughts can turn negative and we can make ourselves feel pretty shoddy in the process. Luckily I have been exposed to a few tools that can help turn these days around, and I have been able to do that today.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” — Marcus Aurelius
Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, is based on the premise is that we are the source of our self-limiting beliefs which limits us from being happy. In other words we are the only ones who can change our lives, because only we can control how we react to things (see previous article How to Manage Anxiety in the Time of a Pandemic).
The book provides four specific actions that, if applied daily, can change your life. I want to take time highlight just one that is relevant on a tough day like today, the concept of Always Do Your Best.
Always Do Your Best
“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self- judgment, self-abuse, and regret.”
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves.
Do you know people who said they would go for a run every day, if they weren’t so busy?
I have friends who said that. They had the usual valid excuses, they needed get to work, there was a lack of shower facilities at work, they had to get the kids ready for school, etc. Now we are in quarantine and all those excuses are suddenly gone.
Do you think they are now able to get up and go for a run every day?
No, they are not. Instead they are feeling guilty or badly because they are not going for that run. The fact is they are not going for that run, because this new time they have on their hands is being used for other things they were denied! They didn’t get to sleep in before, they didn’t have breakfast with their kids every day, they didn’t have time to read, to clear their closet….whatever it is, it’s okay to take advantage of all those things too.
In my case, I am an entrepreneur and freelancer, so with all my projects and events delayed or canceled, I should be actively working to pivot my business, building a course, seeking projects, updating my site, etc…and I will. But some days, this quarantine kicks my arse and it’s okay if I want to take a day off. I do not need to feel regret that I didn’t work on my business, or berate myself about it.
I’m doing my best, that’s good enough for now.
It’s okay to have a tough day. It’s okay to stay in bed. It’s okay to not want to talk to anyone for a day. But don’t make a habit of it. Just take the day and remember the agreement, always do your best and trust that your best will change day to day.
Tomorrow will be better.
Follow GetCalmStayCalm for more tools to deal with Anxiety, Anger, or Vulnerability.
